Her: High heels are oppressive.
Me: ...have you ever worn heels?
Her: No.
High heels do things to me.
When I see them my heart rate increases.
My basal temperature rises.
I cross a store like a zombie seeing a limping lamb.
When I put them on I can fight crime and save kittens.
Don't buy me roses.
Buy me Louboutin's, baby.