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he puts meat in my mailbox

Him: So is he still doing it?
Her: Not in the past couple days
Me: Doing what?
Her: My ex keeps putting meat in my mailbox
Me: Haha! What kind?
Her: Turkey bacon

Maybe she should make a dress out of it ala Lady Gaga

Sugar

Sugar is very bad for you.
Give me all your Halloween candy.
I will protect you.

She-Nannigans

-on the phone-

Her: Haha so how much of your blog is reality and how much is made up? You didn't really cook a turkey with the bag inside did you?

(re: http://brandymars.blogspot.ca/2014/10/how-not-to-cook-turkey.html)

Me: It's all true

how (not) to cook a turkey

-last year-

Tuesday night. 6pm.

I buy a 16lb turkey for $10. How can this go wrong? ...right?

I happily throw the turkey in the oven.

I think, turkey is just like chicken. No probs guys. I have this.

A few hours later I decide to read the tag-which says, "Please be sure to remove the bag from inside the bird before placing it in the oven."

...bag inside the bird....inside....INSIDE??!?.....what bag?! What is IN said bag? What is said bag made of?! Noooooooo!!!!!

-phone sandwiched between my ear and shoulder while turkey fat and juice and all-together-bad-fleshy-things spray everywhere-turkey in the sink-turkey hot-turkey frozen-turkey bones cracking-turkey looks like tiny infant-where is the bag of mystery parts???!? Wheerrrrrreeeeeee

I am traumatized.

I never recover.

Addicted

Me: How are you?
Her: Ok, kinda tired.
Me: Trip wore you out, hey?
She nods
Her: Are you sick?
-she makes a motion indicating body sickness-
Me: Hmm? Hahaha no, I broke my coffee machine. This is what I look like un-caffeinated.

First time I ever wore Converse sneakers to work and didn't do my hair in 6 months lol
#coffeeaddict #love it #cantevenfunctionwithoutit

#newgirl

Via email:
Me: Pho in daaa belllllllayyyy! 12:30?
Her: Are we driving or walking? #newgirl
Him: We can walk it. It is literally across the street. #myfitness #my noodles #mine
Me: #piggyback

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