Grand lettuce theft
Dear lady casually grazing on lettuce in the organic fresh produce section of the health food store,
How many years in prison do you get for grand lettuce theft? Is this your first felony? Did you steal the golden beet last time?
Ciao,
Brandy
How many years in prison do you get for grand lettuce theft? Is this your first felony? Did you steal the golden beet last time?
Ciao,
Brandy
(P.s. I wish you had looked this satisfied)
(Also, I wish you had been wearing a cat sweater like this)
(....there's always tomorrow)
How I Lost 10lb this month
Me after I realized winter was over:
You guys, I wish I could say "Ohhhhh you know I just watched Netflix, ate loads of salty carbs, used my dog as a memory-foam-type pillow, and the weight just was carried off my body by angels....Victoria Secret Angels.....ya!"
But that would be a lie.
So. Here is the truth.
Firstly, I stopped drinking wine(sad faaaaace).
Next, I got sweaty.
Very.
Very.
Sweaty.
A tiny ballerina kicked my a**
The next day I walked like an 80 year old.
But I lived to tell the tale.
*high fives*
heeeellzyeah
Wait.....kisses are still calorie free....right?
I also stopped eating past 8pm.
Lastly, and honestly I think most importantly I bought a juicer and completely changed the way I was eating.
I put any green vegetable I can find in it.
And I feel AWESOME.
yaaassssssss!
Juicer for life!
rrrrrrrrRRRRRrrrrrrrrrr
GMO OMG
Everyone should watch this.
(It's on Netflix too)
http://www.gmofilm.com/
My favourite part is when they go to the Svalbard Global Seed Vault in Norway.
Very interesting.
(It's on Netflix too)
http://www.gmofilm.com/
My favourite part is when they go to the Svalbard Global Seed Vault in Norway.
Very interesting.
Amen.
Mangoes: proof there is a god.
Apples to apples
Son, I feel like it's the time in life when we should talk about important things.
Like why is this organic apple SO f***ing good?!?!?!!
Ok so you know when you go out to a restaurant and they up-sell you and you are like:
Except you don't use that word.
Because ladies deserve to be spoken to with respect, damn it!
You have to pay extra for it.
Because it RULES. And tastes like actual food. And what I mean is it actually has a taste. Raise your hand if you have ever eaten a peach that tasted/had the consistency of sawdust. Point made.
Pro tip: Apples, celery, carrots are generally the most affordable. (And organic berries are the most delicious thing on Earth. I wish I could only eat organic produce....a girl can dream.)
It's like the difference between a one night stand
and being with someone you are crazy-madly in love with.
HUGE difference.
amiright?
I know, I managed to go from apples to the subject of sex. I'm kinky like that. But hey, so was Eve.
5 things I've learned juicing
Hey! Put down that bronut!
5 THINGS I LEARNED JUICING:
1. Foam= sexy green moustache. I get to look like a lumbersexual?! Say whaaaa?
(sans chest hair)
2. Throwing beet into juicer without a lid= murder scene
3. Apples are the juicing equivalent of cheese. Before I became super allergic to milk(all the swear words) I used to put cheese on anything I cooked that tasted bad. It works like a charm. Gross juice? Add an apple. *boom* Amazing. DONE.
4. It's all about the benjamins celery, apples, beets, cucumbers.
This is how you afford to juice and still buy the boots with the fuuuuurrrrrrrrrrRRRrrrrrr
5. Juicing=HYPER. Most energy I have had after working a full day in AGES. It's nuts. Actually it's fruity......and vege. Ha.
Sigh, I love my juicer.
If it was a person I would kiss it every morning.
Like this:
