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Godzillakitty

Her: I am going to a lesbian event tonight
Me: Jealous! Can I come?
(insert pouty cat face)
Her: Yes you can!!
Me: Yesssssssssss!

Here's a photo of me searching for my soul mate. 
Just a normal Friday
Ya know



Shower singer of the year award

Him(happily shouting in my left ear): YOU win shower singer of the year award!
Birthday boy.
He dances close to me to blues music while I sing along

The green oscillating fan spreads feelings of nostalgia and numb wine sensation across the Persian Rug. It whispers my secrets across the billiard tables and they fly into the cobbled streets.

Him: I will make you a crown out of plastic hair caps!
He walks me home
He wants to come up
Him: I want to see photos of the beautiful French woman
Me(laughing): Go home birthday boy
People across the street look at us as I gently push him out of the door. A harmless ally.

Like a boss

Laying on living room floor.
Filling out cheques.
Like a boss.

turn it up tune it in

-shhhhthhhhsshhhh-
(tv static)

ah here, now we have a signal
Oh only one thing playing today in Brandy's brain today? 
Let's check it out:

Her: What?
Me: Nothing
Her: ...what?
Me: You are just so cute
Her: Haha no YOU are so cute
Me: Mmmm nope, you are the cutest
-I kiss her shoulder-
Her: No you are
Me: No you are








She read my mind

Loud pop music.
A little girl in the store runs up to a beautiful top with sparkle beads on it and gasps.
She looks up at me.
I smile at her.
She read my mind!

Did you call me fat?

Diets I have been on:

1. Weight Watchers
2. Jenny Craig
3. Eating Alive
4. Dr. Bernstein's
5. Booze and diet pills
6. Fruitarian
7. Vegetarian
8. Anorexia/Bulimia
9. Vegan
10. Low Carb

Diet that actually worked: Loving myself.
I am a size 8(ish). I am cool with that.

I want my life to be fat with adventure. Fat with laughter. Fat with experience. Fat with wisdom.
I want to savour every sweet moment life has to offer me.

World, meet fashion model Lotte Louise Williams.
what.a.babe.
*passes out on floor*