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put my thang down, flip it and reverse it

All I really want is a tiny pocket-size version of my hilarious friend who randomly bursts out into Missy Elliott old-school rapping so I can bring him everywhere with me.

weeeeeEEEooooooooo

run for cover!

lesbian oil wresting competition

I knew you were trouble when you asked me to go to the lesbian oil wrestling competition with you.

I will oblige.

I suuuuupoooooooooose

(mischievous grin)

8 types of lesbians you will meet on Tinder

1. Every girl you have ever dated! Yes! The gay world is really. that. small.

2. Super butch/ has a photo of her holding up some kind of dead animal/fish that she just killed. She has two kinds of shoes: Birkenstocks and combat boots.

3. Poly girl who has a boyfriend but is "totally queer"

.....erm.

4. The "bisexual" attention seeker. She's never going to date you. Begin singing, "Let it go" now.

5. Women who don't speak english and are visiting from somewhere exotic. So enticing. Yet eerie. Do they really exist? Or are they a creepy guy with a comb-over who lives in a basement?

".....what? What!? These shoes totally fit!"

6. Bored straight women who changed their settings for fun while going to the bathroom.

the gateway drug of all gayness

dun

dun dun.

7. The fake profile of someone checking to see if their SO(significant other) is cheating.

If you have to check, you probably shouldn't be dating them.

8. And lastly, "The One". AwwwwwWWWWWWWwwwww.

amiright?

I mean.....they have to be somewhere!

Designing clothes

Today was one of the best days ever!!!

I love my job

sooooooo much

Had to call in sick today. Some sort of flu thing.
Since some people think being a lesbian is a disease it would have been more fun to call in gay.
Me: Oh hey. Ya, I'm feeling like marrying Taylor Swift today. I won't be in.

couch, why?

-lunch time-

Me: I thought about getting a leather couch because you can vacuum it
Him: ....or you could just not let your dog on it
*I wash my apple in the sink*
Me: ...the only reason I even have a couch is for watching Netflix with my dog

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