Brownie Points
Me: Oh my gosh what happened?!
-there is an angry red bleeding spot on his forehead-
Him: I was walking and looking to make sure you got across the street safe and I walked into a tree
-there is an angry red bleeding spot on his forehead-
Him: I was walking and looking to make sure you got across the street safe and I walked into a tree
Such a gentle hombre!
For you sire:
4 bandaids from the hostess
1 gauze patch
6 fruit candies from the front desk
and endless brownie points
Faking It
All my favourite allergy friendly foods!
It's not the real thing, but it will be our secret. Mmmmk?
btw
you totally thought I was going to write about something dirty didn't you!? Pervs.
(please tell me you have seen When Harry Met Sally)
I would like to partake in your pecan piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieee
1. Wow Butter.
Tastes just like peanut butter!
I suspect it is made of unicorn hooves.
And glitter.
2. Daiya (dairy free) Cheese.
It's good on everything.
I checked.
3. Wild Roots Gluten Free Pancake And Waffle Mix
AMAZING.
4. Wine!
It's peanut, dairy, and gluten free!
Cheers
wtf?!
Her: I know someone I want to set you up with
Me: Oh, cool
Her: He is into art stuff too
Me: ......but I'm gay
Her: He's bi!
Me: Oh, cool
Her: He is into art stuff too
Me: ......but I'm gay
Her: He's bi!
wtf?! haha
one bisexual man plus one lesbian does not a couple make.
Feisty Blonde
Me: I locked my keys in my apartment this morning
Him: How did you get in?
Me: I smashed the lock off
Him: What?! How?!
Me: With my hands
Eyebrows On Fleek
Me: What does "eyebrows on fleek" mean?
Her: It means your eyebrows are looking good
Me: ....when did eyebrows become a problem? I've never been like, "Omgggyouuuguuuuuuys I am having THE WORST eyebrow day ever!"
Don we now our gay apparel falala lalala lalala
-texting in bed-
Me:
Hitting the gay
gay
haaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy
omg phone
Her: You're so gay
Me:
You probably think this song is about you
You're so gaaaaaAAAYyyyyyyyyy
Her:
Ba ha ha
You're so gay you probably think this song is about you don't you
"Don we now our gay apparel falala lalala lalala"
