Bob Dylan
I don't always wake up looking like Bob Dylan.
But when I do it looks like this.
Reading mean comments
(I mostly get a plethora of love-mail
and new awesome friends, not hate-mail)
but sometimes
(pretty rare but it happens)
I get mean comments on my blog
and new awesome friends, not hate-mail)
but sometimes
(pretty rare but it happens)
I get mean comments on my blog
none of which I ever respond to
but I will respond now to all of them at once and say
I honestly have a goldfish memory for negativity
so you are wasting your time
the only ones I remember super clearly are the funny ones.....
like the person who told me to "go outside" haha!
(pensive)....that's actually pretty solid advice and very PG of you. So thanks for that!
If there is one thing coming out of the closet did, it made me stronger.
Craziest Tinder Story
Her: What is your craziest Tinder story?
Me: So, I met this girl and wrote about it on my blog. And then she totally flipped out at me! And I was like, "Oh noooo I'm soooo sorry!" And then I took it down and then she wrote me and was like, "HA! I WAS KIDDING!"(wtf?!)And then muuuuch later I realized it was because she had a girlfriend and was cheating on her
Her: Haha I love your blog! You can even break up with me on your blog! Be like, "Sooooo I am thinking about breaking up with this girl...ya...if you are reading this....I'll still see you at 7:30......let's take separate cars....
Me: So, I met this girl and wrote about it on my blog. And then she totally flipped out at me! And I was like, "Oh noooo I'm soooo sorry!" And then I took it down and then she wrote me and was like, "HA! I WAS KIDDING!"(wtf?!)And then muuuuch later I realized it was because she had a girlfriend and was cheating on her
Her: Haha I love your blog! You can even break up with me on your blog! Be like, "Sooooo I am thinking about breaking up with this girl...ya...if you are reading this....I'll still see you at 7:30......let's take separate cars....
He's the butch one.
*via text after working super late*
Me: I'm resisting the urge to eat six cookies and pass out on my bed face down with my shoes on
Him: Omg that's my fetish
Me: Thought so
Him: I'm such a weirdo
Me: Some of my favourite people are pretty odd
Him: I must be your favoritistist
Me: Only time can tell
Him: I'm the bestest ever. And if you squint and are tired I kinda look like a butch lesbian.
Me: I'm resisting the urge to eat six cookies and pass out on my bed face down with my shoes on
Him: Omg that's my fetish
Me: Thought so
Him: I'm such a weirdo
Me: Some of my favourite people are pretty odd
Him: I must be your favoritistist
Me: Only time can tell
Him: I'm the bestest ever. And if you squint and are tired I kinda look like a butch lesbian.
......awkward
My Grown-Ass-Woman Lesbian Breakup
The following evidence seems to be pointing me in the direction of being a fully functional adult
or
as some would say, "Being a grown-ass-woman"
(hides stick-on earrings behind back and nods in agreement with shifty eyes)
I just had what can most easily be described as the most amiable "breakup" of my entire life.
(and I'm pretty sure we are legit going to still be friends)
(and I'm pretty sure we are legit going to still be friends)
......quotation marks because it's complicated.
Like it always is, amiright?
Like it always is, amiright?
But not "complicated" like that time I broke up with that guy
and he broke into my place through the kitchen window
and then stole my ID and then said it ended up in his jeans "by accident" (WTF?!) AND THEN drove around the dog park for hours car-stalking me.
Not like that.
Cigars
Him: I apologize, I smell like cigars. I only smoke them twice a year.
-he shows me his new art-
Me: Don't worry about it
-he pours me a drink-
Me(sincere): You know, I actually like the aesthetic of smoking. It's sexy
*I make some air gestures indicating an elegant French woman smoking on a balcony*
Him(smiling): Oh, ya?
Me: Ya. I tried smoking once.... chain smoked all night at a party in LA
I was nineteen.
I sounded like Tom Waits for a week.
-he shows me his new art-
Me: Don't worry about it
-he pours me a drink-
Me(sincere): You know, I actually like the aesthetic of smoking. It's sexy
*I make some air gestures indicating an elegant French woman smoking on a balcony*
Him(smiling): Oh, ya?
Me: Ya. I tried smoking once.... chain smoked all night at a party in LA
I was nineteen.
I sounded like Tom Waits for a week.
