More glitter, not cowbell
Me: Let's go do something!
Her: I can't have to sleep
Me: Booooo you suck
Her: What did you have in mind?
Me: I wanted to go dancing but all plans have fallen apart. Now snuggling with my dog in yoga pants lol
Her: That sounds pretty win win
Me: You should come over! We can get naked, dance around, and eat pizza! Just kidding. About the pizza part.
Her: I can't have to sleep
Me: Booooo you suck
Her: What did you have in mind?
Me: I wanted to go dancing but all plans have fallen apart. Now snuggling with my dog in yoga pants lol
Her: That sounds pretty win win
Me: You should come over! We can get naked, dance around, and eat pizza! Just kidding. About the pizza part.
basically a smaller version of this
but with more glitter
Painting With Bob Ross
***Circle of Bob***
(onomatopoeia of angels singing in unison haha)
-we stand in a circle holding hands and close our eyes-
Her: Everyone take a deep breathe
-everyone inhales-
Her: Everyone exhale out all the negative energy in your body
-everyone exhales-
Her: And breathe in Bob!!!
-everyone inhales-
*we open our eyes and let go of each other's hands*
big silly grins all round
this chick is fucking awesome haha
Fashion Tips For Dummies
1. Go to good stores. For example: Club Monaco(for classy casual stuff), Banana Republic(work stuff), Urban Outfitters(for cool stuff)
2. Don't buy polyester if you have body odour problems. Actually, just don't buy polyester. Just save up and get the good stuff(silk).
3. When in doubt, copy the window mannequins. Or, just straight up buy the outfit in the window. This is pretty fool-proof. Unless you are shopping at Forever 21 and you are 55 years old.
4. If you are over 16 no one wants to see your belly button. Even if you have the cutest belly button of all-time. I mean, yeah I want to see it. But not like, at work. Mmmm k?
5. If you don't have a lot of money to spend on clothes buy good basics and then accessorize.
6. You will eventually inevitably go through a breakup and stop sleeping, washing your hair, and have heartbreak puffy eye syndrome. Buy a hat. And sunglasses. And Nyquil. You will have crazy-ass nightmares but you will sleep like a bay-bay.
7. Lint roller.
8. Comfort= confident. Overly tight tights make me want to defenestrate myself. Don't do it. Unless you are masochistic. Then go to town.
9. Beige isn't a colour. Yawn fest
10. Just because someone says you should or shouldn't wear something doesn't mean you should listen. Be an individual. You rock that purple mink bouffant-style hat, sir. Hold your head up high. Honey badger don't give a damn.
oooOOOoooo Chanel
2. Don't buy polyester if you have body odour problems. Actually, just don't buy polyester. Just save up and get the good stuff(silk).
SMELL-ITH BE GONE-ITH!!!!!!
3. When in doubt, copy the window mannequins. Or, just straight up buy the outfit in the window. This is pretty fool-proof. Unless you are shopping at Forever 21 and you are 55 years old.
4. If you are over 16 no one wants to see your belly button. Even if you have the cutest belly button of all-time. I mean, yeah I want to see it. But not like, at work. Mmmm k?
Save it for parties. Like this. And bring me.
cat hats acceptable
7. Lint roller.
for said cat hat
8. Comfort= confident. Overly tight tights make me want to defenestrate myself. Don't do it. Unless you are masochistic. Then go to town.
9. Beige isn't a colour. Yawn fest
I never fully trust people who wear beige pants.
My lesbian boyfriend
*what happens when you aren't sure who at work knows you are gay and who doesn't*
-I roll the plastic male mannequin across the carpet-
Me(smizing): My boyfriend
-I gesture to the mannequin-
Him: Haha! You have to take his shorts off
Me: Haha, right!
Him: Really
Me: Haha
Him: No, really
Me(I do the head tilty thing):....really?
He does the head tilty thing
-I roll the plastic male mannequin across the carpet-
Me(smizing): My boyfriend
-I gesture to the mannequin-
Him: Haha! You have to take his shorts off
Me: Haha, right!
Him: Really
Me: Haha
Him: No, really
Me(I do the head tilty thing):....really?
He does the head tilty thing
Child Bribery
When I was little and looked like this:
my Mom used to bribe me to not chew my nails by offering to get me a Little Mermaid Barbie.
Now, as a grown ass woman I bribe myself with red wine to wash my hair.
It's very effective!
P.s. It only took me 27 years to figure out how to do my hair. No big deal.
P.s.s. How did I end up with a psychotic afro?! My sister has stick straight hair
Now, as a grown ass woman I bribe myself with red wine to wash my hair.
It's very effective!
P.s. It only took me 27 years to figure out how to do my hair. No big deal.
P.s.s. How did I end up with a psychotic afro?! My sister has stick straight hair
Dear Vodka
Her: Did you really wear that jacket today?
-she gestures to my winter parka-
Me: Ya..... it was cold out! I had to walk my dog this morning.
Her: Brandy! It's +3
Me: It was snowing this morning!
Her: Haha you are so fucked. Wait until it's -50
-she gestures to my winter parka-
Me: Ya..... it was cold out! I had to walk my dog this morning.
Her: Brandy! It's +3
Me: It was snowing this morning!
Her: Haha you are so fucked. Wait until it's -50
Dear Vodka,
Can you hear me?
