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*buying wine*

Me: Do you want to see my ID?
Her: That's ok
Me(dramatic): I look old!
*I turn my face away in pretend shame*
Her: Naw, I'm just a slacker. I only ID if someone looks 15. (she smiles). You look 16.
Me(laughing): If you had a jar I would tip you!

Discoveries from today:
1. I am not a plumber
2. I should not play plumber
3. I have tiny manicured girly hands and am not good at fixing sinks
4. I will never be butch
5. I am ok with all of the above points.

*texting her*

Me(sing song flirting): Ihavesummmmthinggggggggforwooooo
Her: Summmmthingggformeeeeeee? Your lips?

*hanging out with my lesbian friend*

Me: Sorry my kitchen is a bit messy
Her: That's ok. What happened?
Me: My sink is broken. I know how to fix it though....I'm actually really good at plumbing.....
Her: You are so gay.

*loud hip-hop music, crowded dance party*

Me(laughing): what?! you are the woman?
Him(yelling): what?!
Me(yelling):what?!
Him(laughing): I'm the woman!
Other guy(pointing by the bar): Is that woman naked behind that board?!