PIPES!
Woman at the dog park (yelling at her puppy): Piper! PIPER! Give her the ball back!
Me(in my mind): .......um....I'm sorry my gaydar is going off the charts here.
Her: PIPES!
Me: Ok, seriously?!
Can I have your number?
Butch status
*texting my lesbian friend*
Her: Is your sink fixed?
Me: Working on it....called a plumber
Her: I think the plumber is more lesbian than you
Me: Waaahahaha I lost my butch status before I even got it!
Her: Is your sink fixed?
Me: Working on it....called a plumber
Her: I think the plumber is more lesbian than you
Me: Waaahahaha I lost my butch status before I even got it!
Brandy to the rescue
Me: Which mall you at?
-she tells me-
Me: Oh, I've never been there
Her: I need to buy some shoes....I have no idea what to buy. All I have are Converse running shoes.
Me: Brandy to the rescue!
-she tells me-
Me: Oh, I've never been there
Her: I need to buy some shoes....I have no idea what to buy. All I have are Converse running shoes.
Me: Brandy to the rescue!
I am your knight in shining sequin pants.
Bad Housekeeper
I'm starting a magazine called "Bad Housekeeper". Every week we will feature someone who sucks at cleaning because they are too busy kicking a** at life and having a riot.
Rough mock-up based on "Good Housekeeping"
Rough mock-up based on "Good Housekeeping"
yes please!
Her: I saw you and Bettie leave during the fire alarm last night. Bettie didn't seem too freaked out. It's hard to miss the building wide alarm....though I could tell you a funny story about a naked resident wearing a thin sheet who did manage to miss it over, and over, and over again. She doesn't live here anymore.
ummmmm.....YES PLEASE!
ummmmm.....YES PLEASE!
Fire In My Building
*3am*
-I bust through the emergency exit door into a blurry crowd in housecoats with various pets-
My friend: You failed the test!
Me: Haha! I can't see anything! I was like make it stop *motions pulling covers over head*
*laughter in the crowd*
Me: So this is what everyone looks like in the morning! How long have you all been out here?!
My friend: About ten minutes
Me: I couldn't find my pants...aaaand I'm much more sober than when I went to bed haha
My friend: Ah, good party? I have company tonight and I have this really special table that I have been refurbishing so I spent the night doing that
Me(playful teasing): And you didn't bring it down here with you?!
*she laughs*
-one last straggler comes through the emergency exit door-
Someone in the crowd: Took you long enough!
My friend: See, don't feel bad! You weren't the last one out haha
The straggler: It's amazing what you can sleep through!
