Booty
-On the phone-
My Mom: Did you get Bettie dog shoes?
My Mom: Did you get Bettie dog shoes?
Me: Ya, they suck though. Keep falling off while we are walking
-I hear my Mom typing on a keyboard-
My Mom: Whoah
Me: What?
My Mom: I googled "Booty" and didn't get shoes!
Haha. Oh man.
Lesbian At Airport Security
-at airport security-
Customs officer: Do you have anything to declare?
-I cover my eyes with one hand and unzip a large suitcase with the other-
THOUSANDS OF HAPPY MEOWING CATS
POUR OUT OF MY BAG ONTO THE AIRPORT FLOOR
*I wake up*
Rage Against The Machine
-quickly scans thumb-
Robot Voice: Please try again.
-scans thumb again-
Robot Voice: Please try again.
-slooooooooowly scans thumb-
Robot Voice: Please try again.
Me: AGHAHHHHHHGHHGHGHHHWHYYYHHHHHH?! Haha
Robot Voice: Please try again.
-scans thumb again-
Robot Voice: Please try again.
-slooooooooowly scans thumb-
Robot Voice: Please try again.
Me: AGHAHHHHHHGHHGHGHHHWHYYYHHHHHH?! Haha
the dance I do when I finally get in:
XXX
Ran into my ex-girlfriend the other day.
And guess what?
It was totally fine.
Not that we acknowledged each other's existence.
We kind of circulated the way planets do:
without colliding.
Crazy In Love (right meow)
Her: We haven't named our new cat, so we call him Kitty Cat
Me: I think that's cute!
Her: My husband doesn't like it. He was like(completely deadpan), "What if the cat has to apply for a job one day?"
Me: Haha!
Her(smiling): I was like, "Ahhh this is why I married him. Only he would say that."
This, is exactly what I want.
But in lesbian form.
True love.
...or, I would settle for being the lettuce in this Tegan/Sara/Taylor Swift sandwich.
just saying
just saying
Lesbian gang
Her: There used to be a cool lesbian bar but it closed down
Me: Oh ya? It seems lesbian places are hard to keep open
Her: Ya for sure, niche market I guess
Me: Also like, what if one group of lesbians doesn't like another group and it becomes even smaller, you know?
Her: Wow, is that a thing?
Me: I don't know. I'm not part of a lesbian gang. I do have a beanie though!
Me: Oh ya? It seems lesbian places are hard to keep open
Her: Ya for sure, niche market I guess
Me: Also like, what if one group of lesbians doesn't like another group and it becomes even smaller, you know?
Her: Wow, is that a thing?
Me: I don't know. I'm not part of a lesbian gang. I do have a beanie though!
Is there a pillow fighting gang? I would join that.
