Hot Date
Him: What are you doing this weekend?
Me: I have a date!
Him: Nice! Where did you meet?
Me: At a wedding and then she was away on a trip. She just got back.
Him: Ah, you should have gone with her!
-I gesture to the world-
Me: But I must make clothes! Or what will the people wear?! They would be naked!
Him: .....could be ok
-we both laugh-
Me: I have a date!
Him: Nice! Where did you meet?
Me: At a wedding and then she was away on a trip. She just got back.
Him: Ah, you should have gone with her!
-I gesture to the world-
Me: But I must make clothes! Or what will the people wear?! They would be naked!
Him: .....could be ok
-we both laugh-
Fashion And Wine
In high school there is a course called CAPP(career and personal planning) in which you build a financial plan based on a newspaper job and find furniture and plan your food bill etc.
My Aunt pointed out that it wasn't realistic. We debated.
Now, as an adult I see it IS flawed because it did not account for my deep love and affection for clothes and wine.
Prom Queen
Her: At my prom the artsy kids made their own tulle dresses and painted them. One girl had a bra top and a poofy skirt thing
Me: Oh the 90's! It's not a prom without a midriff!
Him: Yes it is.
Me: My grad dress is in the trunk of my car.
Him: Hahaha! Why?! Can I see it?
Me: Oh, you will.
Me: Oh the 90's! It's not a prom without a midriff!
Him: Yes it is.
Me: My grad dress is in the trunk of my car.
Him: Hahaha! Why?! Can I see it?
Me: Oh, you will.
Christmas party. Here I come.
Fashion Tips For Dummies
1. Go to good stores. For example: Club Monaco(for classy casual stuff), Banana Republic(work stuff), Urban Outfitters(for cool stuff)
2. Don't buy polyester if you have body odour problems. Actually, just don't buy polyester. Just save up and get the good stuff(silk).
3. When in doubt, copy the window mannequins. Or, just straight up buy the outfit in the window. This is pretty fool-proof. Unless you are shopping at Forever 21 and you are 55 years old.
4. If you are over 16 no one wants to see your belly button. Even if you have the cutest belly button of all-time. I mean, yeah I want to see it. But not like, at work. Mmmm k?
5. If you don't have a lot of money to spend on clothes buy good basics and then accessorize.
6. You will eventually inevitably go through a breakup and stop sleeping, washing your hair, and have heartbreak puffy eye syndrome. Buy a hat. And sunglasses. And Nyquil. You will have crazy-ass nightmares but you will sleep like a bay-bay.
7. Lint roller.
8. Comfort= confident. Overly tight tights make me want to defenestrate myself. Don't do it. Unless you are masochistic. Then go to town.
9. Beige isn't a colour. Yawn fest
10. Just because someone says you should or shouldn't wear something doesn't mean you should listen. Be an individual. You rock that purple mink bouffant-style hat, sir. Hold your head up high. Honey badger don't give a damn.
oooOOOoooo Chanel
2. Don't buy polyester if you have body odour problems. Actually, just don't buy polyester. Just save up and get the good stuff(silk).
SMELL-ITH BE GONE-ITH!!!!!!
3. When in doubt, copy the window mannequins. Or, just straight up buy the outfit in the window. This is pretty fool-proof. Unless you are shopping at Forever 21 and you are 55 years old.
4. If you are over 16 no one wants to see your belly button. Even if you have the cutest belly button of all-time. I mean, yeah I want to see it. But not like, at work. Mmmm k?
Save it for parties. Like this. And bring me.
cat hats acceptable
7. Lint roller.
for said cat hat
8. Comfort= confident. Overly tight tights make me want to defenestrate myself. Don't do it. Unless you are masochistic. Then go to town.
9. Beige isn't a colour. Yawn fest
I never fully trust people who wear beige pants.
My lesbian boyfriend
*what happens when you aren't sure who at work knows you are gay and who doesn't*
-I roll the plastic male mannequin across the carpet-
Me(smizing): My boyfriend
-I gesture to the mannequin-
Him: Haha! You have to take his shorts off
Me: Haha, right!
Him: Really
Me: Haha
Him: No, really
Me(I do the head tilty thing):....really?
He does the head tilty thing
-I roll the plastic male mannequin across the carpet-
Me(smizing): My boyfriend
-I gesture to the mannequin-
Him: Haha! You have to take his shorts off
Me: Haha, right!
Him: Really
Me: Haha
Him: No, really
Me(I do the head tilty thing):....really?
He does the head tilty thing
Dear Vodka
Her: Did you really wear that jacket today?
-she gestures to my winter parka-
Me: Ya..... it was cold out! I had to walk my dog this morning.
Her: Brandy! It's +3
Me: It was snowing this morning!
Her: Haha you are so fucked. Wait until it's -50
-she gestures to my winter parka-
Me: Ya..... it was cold out! I had to walk my dog this morning.
Her: Brandy! It's +3
Me: It was snowing this morning!
Her: Haha you are so fucked. Wait until it's -50
Dear Vodka,
Can you hear me?
