Being a lesbian is a disease
Had to call in sick today. Some sort of flu thing.
Since some people think being a lesbian is a disease it would have been more fun to call in gay.
Me: Oh hey. Ya, I'm feeling like marrying Taylor Swift today. I won't be in.
Since some people think being a lesbian is a disease it would have been more fun to call in gay.
Me: Oh hey. Ya, I'm feeling like marrying Taylor Swift today. I won't be in.
couch, why?
-lunch time-
Me: I thought about getting a leather couch because you can vacuum it
Him: ....or you could just not let your dog on it
*I wash my apple in the sink*
Me: ...the only reason I even have a couch is for watching Netflix with my dog
Me: I thought about getting a leather couch because you can vacuum it
Him: ....or you could just not let your dog on it
*I wash my apple in the sink*
Me: ...the only reason I even have a couch is for watching Netflix with my dog
Lesbian pregnancy
Me(laughing): So the other day one of my guy friends offered to donate his sperm when/if I want to have a kid
My Mom: Haha! Well, don't wait too long!
Me: I still have tons of time!
My Mom: Haha! Well, don't wait too long!
Me: I still have tons of time!
I have 99 problems
(actually I have way less than that....maybe like 2-3 on a super bad day....)
but unplanned pregnancy isn't one of them!
#lesbianwin
(actually I have way less than that....maybe like 2-3 on a super bad day....)
but unplanned pregnancy isn't one of them!
#lesbianwin
GBF
*run into my gay best friend*
Him: Oooooooo! I love your top! That colour is good on you!
Me: Thanks! I've actually had it a long time. I just always wore a cardigan during the winter
Him(suave voice): You should only wear that. Just the top(cracking a smile)and nothing else
*I give him sexy eyes*
Me(laughing): Oh, I will!
Him: Oooooooo! I love your top! That colour is good on you!
Me: Thanks! I've actually had it a long time. I just always wore a cardigan during the winter
Him(suave voice): You should only wear that. Just the top(cracking a smile)and nothing else
*I give him sexy eyes*
Me(laughing): Oh, I will!
No place like home
I love being at home. Am I getting old? Haha
Grand lettuce theft
Dear lady casually grazing on lettuce in the organic fresh produce section of the health food store,
How many years in prison do you get for grand lettuce theft? Is this your first felony? Did you steal the golden beet last time?
Ciao,
Brandy
How many years in prison do you get for grand lettuce theft? Is this your first felony? Did you steal the golden beet last time?
Ciao,
Brandy
(P.s. I wish you had looked this satisfied)
(Also, I wish you had been wearing a cat sweater like this)
(....there's always tomorrow)
