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*what happens when you aren't sure who at work knows you are gay and who doesn't*

-I roll the plastic male mannequin across the carpet-

Me(smizing): My boyfriend
-I gesture to the mannequin-
Him: Haha! You have to take his shorts off
Me: Haha, right!
Him: Really
Me: Haha
Him: No, really
Me(I do the head tilty thing):....really?
He does the head tilty thing

Her: Did you really wear that jacket today?
-she gestures to my winter parka-
Me: Ya..... it was cold out! I had to walk my dog this morning.
Her: Brandy! It's +3
Me: It was snowing this morning!
Her: Haha you are so fucked. Wait until it's -50

-London, England-

running through Piccadilly station
in herringbone fishnet tights and a very short dress

after having a refreshing Saturday morning stretch and going, "Mmmmm Saaaaaturday"
I went , "OhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnooooOOOOOoooooo!!!!"
And frantically scrambled to piece together a job interview outfit after 6 solid days of interviews
WHY IS EVERYTHING DIRTY WHYYYYYYYY

when I arrive at the door the man asks me for my resume
I don't have it
1200 other applicant line the fancy entrance
there are only 25 spots being filled

a few minutes later they lead me upstairs
to a giant room with a chandelier
I sit on cushioned chair

I fill out an online pre-screening test for personality
the man brings me a glass of water in a wine glass
it soothes my burning throat from the run
I try to cover my legs with my cropped motorcycle jacket
as sweat runs down the side of my face

I decide, in a fit of defeat
that I am screwed.
and I will just enjoy sitting in this nice room with a fancy chandelier.
I relax.

the lady interviewing me asks me questions and then laughs and laughs
she calls another man over and we shake hands
he calls another woman over
we chat, she laughs, we shake hands
and she calls another woman over

an hour later I meet the President of the company.
I got the job!

1 part Brandelion
1  part Brandelion's best friend
3 parts vodka
One part piss and vinegar
12 units laughter
7 giggle fits
2 pranks
4 spontaneous dance parties in the street
8 minutes loud singing

Email from the man I switched costumes with on Halloween:

Him: Looking for a sexy blonde lesbian to take to a Christmas party......


Hmmmm let me think....YES!!!
This is going to be the BEST PARTY EVER.
Anyone willing to wear a superwoman costume wins eternal points of awesome as far as I am concerned.
Plus, he called me a sexy blonde lesbian.

HEY! I'm not a lesbi....
.....did you say something?