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Why I'm not vegan anymore

1. I was gaining weight
2. I was starving all the time
3. Cheese is f***ing delicious.

Don't worry, I'm still a total lesbo.

Bad Lesbian Poetry

So, I've pretty much exhausted every avenue trying to get my ex-girlfriend to get back together with me.

These include:

1. Crying on a sidewalk in Montreal

I may have been at a house party.

I may have had some watermelon sangria.

I may have made 3 bad choices altogether this night.

2. Writing her a really bad poem. The worst.

What is wrong with me?!

Anyways, it was cathartic and she probably thinks I'm a lunatic now. High-five self.

3. Actually there isn't a #3

But I am left with the present I got her in Montreal which sadly is too specific to give to anyone else. Plus, if I give it to someone I will have to see it. And then I will want to claw my eyes out. Also it's tiny. Because she was small and I don't even know anyone else that small.

Fawk.

Teen Witch Dance Party

So, I got invited via Tinder to a teen-witch dance party at NDQ tonight purely based on my circle glasses. I know it's because of my circle glasses because she explicitly told me so. Thank you Alexander McQueen. High Five.

Awkward Lesbian Dr. Appointment

Dr: Are you on the pill?
Me: No
Dr: You might get pregnant.
Me: I doubt that
Dr: (Eyebrow lift)

My ex-girlfriend was right. You never stop coming out of the closet. This happens. every. day.
Not the doctor appointment part. Just the telling people you are gay part.

Lesbihonest

Me: I love living in the city
Her: One day, you will end up in the country when you meet the right man
Me: That's not how being gay works

WTF. haha
Seriously.

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