I'm gay! Arrest me!
*hanging out with my lesbian friend
Me: Are you going to the festival?
Her: Not sure
Me: I went last year because Ani DiFranco was there
Her: Who's that?
Me: Whaaaa?! (teasing) Are you sure you are a lesbian?
*she laughs*
Me: Are you going to the festival?
Her: Not sure
Me: I went last year because Ani DiFranco was there
Her: Who's that?
Me: Whaaaa?! (teasing) Are you sure you are a lesbian?
*she laughs*
Ani DiFranco was basically the 90's version of Lady Gaga in Russia
Dear sir in the pantalones
Dear sir,
I know I was lurking creepily behind you at the dog park. I was trying to tell if I designed your pants...
Sorry/not sorry,
Brandy
I know I was lurking creepily behind you at the dog park. I was trying to tell if I designed your pants...
Sorry/not sorry,
Brandy
too many
Me: I love my bike. His name is Clive
Him: Nice. What made you name him Clive?
Me: He's the man for me haha
Him: Gives a good ride?
Me: Haha so so many witty things to say. I can't even decide.
Him: Haha too many
Nice n hot
Me: I'm not drinking right now
Her: Ohhhhhhhh
Me: Workin' on ma fitness haha
Her: You can't get hotter that's unfair
Me: Aw! Haha you are too kind
Her: I'm serious
Me: You aren't allowed abs then! Get rid of those haha
Her: Nice n hot.....totally not fair. You should be a bitch or less hot haha
Me: Haha! That might be the nicest compliment ever. Thank you!
Her: Ohhhhhhhh
Me: Workin' on ma fitness haha
Her: You can't get hotter that's unfair
Me: Aw! Haha you are too kind
Her: I'm serious
Me: You aren't allowed abs then! Get rid of those haha
Her: Nice n hot.....totally not fair. You should be a bitch or less hot haha
Me: Haha! That might be the nicest compliment ever. Thank you!
Apples to apples
Son, I feel like it's the time in life when we should talk about important things.
Like why is this organic apple SO f***ing good?!?!?!!
Ok so you know when you go out to a restaurant and they up-sell you and you are like:
Except you don't use that word.
Because ladies deserve to be spoken to with respect, damn it!
You have to pay extra for it.
Because it RULES. And tastes like actual food. And what I mean is it actually has a taste. Raise your hand if you have ever eaten a peach that tasted/had the consistency of sawdust. Point made.
Pro tip: Apples, celery, carrots are generally the most affordable. (And organic berries are the most delicious thing on Earth. I wish I could only eat organic produce....a girl can dream.)
It's like the difference between a one night stand
and being with someone you are crazy-madly in love with.
HUGE difference.
amiright?
I know, I managed to go from apples to the subject of sex. I'm kinky like that. But hey, so was Eve.
5 things I've learned juicing
Hey! Put down that bronut!
5 THINGS I LEARNED JUICING:
1. Foam= sexy green moustache. I get to look like a lumbersexual?! Say whaaaa?
(sans chest hair)
2. Throwing beet into juicer without a lid= murder scene
3. Apples are the juicing equivalent of cheese. Before I became super allergic to milk(all the swear words) I used to put cheese on anything I cooked that tasted bad. It works like a charm. Gross juice? Add an apple. *boom* Amazing. DONE.
4. It's all about the benjamins celery, apples, beets, cucumbers.
This is how you afford to juice and still buy the boots with the fuuuuurrrrrrrrrrRRRrrrrrr
5. Juicing=HYPER. Most energy I have had after working a full day in AGES. It's nuts. Actually it's fruity......and vege. Ha.
Sigh, I love my juicer.
If it was a person I would kiss it every morning.
Like this:
