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Doppelgänger

-at taco party-

Her(sips Margarita): I saw this girl the other day who looked EXACTLY like Taylor Swift!
Him(gasp): Where?!
Me: Did you give her my number?

be still my beating heart

have you seen my rack?

-I'm carrying a bunch of clothes and I see my friend turning off the lights-

Me: oooOOOooooo(ghost noises)

Him: Oh hey, do you need the lights on?

Me(looking around): Have you seen my rack?

-he bursts out laughing-

Him: I have not seen your rack.

Me(blushing): THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!

we laugh until we almost cry

lesbian math

Take the amount of lesbians in the city (lez say 100)
yeah puns!
*high fives self*

Divide that by the amount of social groups (ten? oui?)

Ok, how many people have you dated?

No. Really.

Liar.

Ok, whatever, let's go with 5.

You can't date or sleep with any of their friends.

CONGRATS!

By dating 5 people you have now dated half the lesbian population!

-I knock on the door-
Him(affable): Hey!
Me: Hey! I brought you guys flowers to say thanks for helping me!
Him: Awww!
-she comes in from the kitchen beaming-
Her: Come see! I'm going to put them over here!
-I take off my Converse sneakers and follow her into the livingroom-
After I say goodbye I wait outside the elevator and hear her through the door-
Her: I LOVE flowers!!!

aaaaand my day is made.