Lesbian-free Canadiana
No matches for 20 minutes.
It's official.
There are no lesbians in Canada.
no pants (are the best pants)
dancing around my loft apartment eating salad pant-less
(my second favourite hobby next to napping like an old man)
suddenly realize nearby neighbour across from me on their balcony
*awkward wave*
(my second favourite hobby next to napping like an old man)
suddenly realize nearby neighbour across from me on their balcony
*awkward wave*
Lesbian T-shirt Project
Disclaimer: I wrote this on a high dosage of nighttime Nyquil. Anything that doesn't make sense I blame on my labradoodle, Bettie. Because she could get away with murder. Have you seen her face!?
So without further delay! (drum roll)
***Shirts that subtly say, "Hey, I'm a lesbian! Come talk to me! Then we will u-haul it, adopt 3 kittens, throw a vegan potluck, and snuggle every morning for ever and ever!"***
(see! I told you!)
So without further delay! (drum roll)
***Shirts that subtly say, "Hey, I'm a lesbian! Come talk to me! Then we will u-haul it, adopt 3 kittens, throw a vegan potluck, and snuggle every morning for ever and ever!"***
Because let's be honest the plaid/undercut/skrillex, short nails, tuque thing isn't working. It's winter. Grunge is in style. I have long long hair and even though I'm missing 1/4th of it (re: http://brandymars.blogspot.ca/2014/08/shaved-my-head-lesbian-haircuts-for.html) I still look really really straight. Sigh.
And sometimes femmes just want to go to a bar and share that moment where you look at someone and go, "Ah nice, you are one of us!"
This happened a lot to me in Montreal. But now, never.
I am *invisible*
I am *invisible*
But, much like the dexterous cuttlefish we will take this challenge and run..errrr swim with it!
And so, the lesbian t-shirt project:
Not so much sapphic subtlety here. But pretty funny.
http://www.zazzle.ca/cover_me_in_chocolate_and_feed_me_to_the_lesbians_tshirt-235958652541865756
You aren't gay. You just love Ellen. And rainbows. Shiny rainbows. That spell the word Ellen. Ok fine you are gay.
How cute is this old dude?! Adorable. I love old people.
Also, Stonewall is a great charity. Check them out.
Ok. This one might not be lesbian per say. But it's hilarious. And if you were wearing it around me I would probably hit on you.
Nothing says "I'M GAY! TALK TO MEEEE!" quite like an Autostraddle shirt. If you don't know what Autostraddle is go RIGHT THIS MINUTE and check it out. But come back after.....cause I love you....and I will miss your face
http://autostraddle.goodsie.com/
http://autostraddle.goodsie.com/
Ha!
This one is pretty funny too.
These underwear aren't really helpful in identifying publicly as a lesbian. But they are super cute.
And if you are getting naked-ish with someone this would put their worries to rest haha
Omg I need antibiotics but don't want to take/go get them.
aGHhhh being stubborn and sick sucks
ciao guys
Types Of Lesbians (stereotypes)
There is confusion in the streets. People want to know. But they don't want to ask.
So here you go. I shall explain some lesbian labels and stereotypes.
Although as Ellen once said, "I don't like labels. The only thing I label is my lunch. I write "lesbian" on it so everyone knows it's mine."
Illustrated with cats.....cause lesbians love cats.....stereotype numero uno haha
Dress quite "masculinely"(Hey! Don't punch my arm! I used quotation marks!)
Don't wear makeup
Often quite sporty
Short hair
I think this is what most people think when they hear the word "lesbian"
(bahaha I f***ing love Bjork)
Femme/incognito:
Suuuuper feminine
Wear makeup
Wear dresses, lace, etc
Like high heels
Generally have long-ish hair
No one believes they are gay
No one suspects they are gay
Men assume they want to have a 3some with them and their gf (WE DON'T!) We might steal your girlfriend though. Watch out. Haha
No really. Watch out
No really. Watch out
....wait a minute that's not a cat.....
Baby Dyke:
A lesbian who just came out of the closet
Still figuring everything out
awww
A lesbian who just came out of the closet
Still figuring everything out
awww
Chapstick lesbian/boi/soft butch:
Sometimes are mistaken for boys
Dress in button up shirts, bow ties, blazers
Short hair
These are of course stereotypes and people are people and are complex. And I have VASTLY simplified the lesbionic world....please don't send me hate mail haha. I do like cookies though. You can send me cookies.
15
I'm 15.
We lay on her bed.
We watch a movie on her tiny TV.
She has short pixie hair.
I know she's gay.
She knows I know she's gay.
She knows I know that people know she has a crush on me and told me.
Does she know that I think I know that she knows it's hard to breathe in her room?
My arm almost brushes her arm.
I have no idea what is going on in this movie.
We lay on her bed.
We watch a movie on her tiny TV.
She has short pixie hair.
I know she's gay.
She knows I know she's gay.
She knows I know that people know she has a crush on me and told me.
Does she know that I think I know that she knows it's hard to breathe in her room?
My arm almost brushes her arm.
I have no idea what is going on in this movie.
Louboutin Mafia
Her: High heels are oppressive.
Me: ...have you ever worn heels?
Her: No.
High heels do things to me.
When I see them my heart rate increases.
My basal temperature rises.
I cross a store like a zombie seeing a limping lamb.
When I put them on I can fight crime and save kittens.
Don't buy me roses.
Buy me Louboutin's, baby.
Me: ...have you ever worn heels?
Her: No.
High heels do things to me.
When I see them my heart rate increases.
My basal temperature rises.
I cross a store like a zombie seeing a limping lamb.
When I put them on I can fight crime and save kittens.
Don't buy me roses.
Buy me Louboutin's, baby.
