Alarm Clock
hahaha
Doppelgänger
-at taco party-
Her(sips Margarita): I saw this girl the other day who looked EXACTLY like Taylor Swift!
Him(gasp): Where?!
Me: Did you give her my number?
Her(sips Margarita): I saw this girl the other day who looked EXACTLY like Taylor Swift!
Him(gasp): Where?!
Me: Did you give her my number?
be still my beating heart
have you seen my rack?
-I'm carrying a bunch of clothes and I see my friend turning off the lights-
Me: oooOOOooooo(ghost noises)
Him: Oh hey, do you need the lights on?
Me(looking around): Have you seen my rack?
-he bursts out laughing-
Him: I have not seen your rack.
Me(blushing): THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!
we laugh until we almost cry
lesbian math
Take the amount of lesbians in the city (lez say 100)
yeah puns!
*high fives self*
yeah puns!
*high fives self*
Divide that by the amount of social groups (ten? oui?)
Ok, how many people have you dated?
No. Really.
Liar.
Ok, whatever, let's go with 5.
You can't date or sleep with any of their friends.
CONGRATS!
By dating 5 people you have now dated half the lesbian population!
Gaydar
Her: So she was like, "Brandy's sleeping with him. Everyone is talking about it."
Me: Haha!
Her: And I was like, "I think she's playing for the other team."
Me: How did you know?
-she looks me in the eye-
Her: I just knew.
your gaydar is strong
Sleep Vs. Shower
Finished moving tonight!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
my new place is kick a**!!!
soooo exhausted though omg
haha Bettie is totes napping on my leg. adorbs.
cutest dog in the world
